COMMISSIONS!
Yes, I draw stuff for you almost constantly. For free. BUT, let's be honest - you only get exactly what you want to see, like, eighty percent of the time. So what'll you blow your mind with during the remaining twenty percent? If only you could... oh, I don't know... PAY ME TO DRAW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!!
...Yeah, if only...
(This is not a last-ditch effort to make money. ...Third ditch, tops.)
My conditions are as follows;
ZERO! Hey, if video games can count zero as a working number, so can I. Anywhack, I reserve the right to refuse your request and laugh in your face if I find it (that is, your request (or your face, too)) unreasonable or contradictory to my terms. Terms are? Terms are that I don't draw dirty naked - not for you, at any rate. Clean naked I might do. Tasteful nudity's arright, but keep in mind our opinions may differ on what "tasteful" implies. We'll talk.
Furthermore, I might not feel up to tackling bigger and scarier entities than myself, meaning that if you want a picture of something copyrighted I may also have to decline. Like... Mickey Mouse. Don't ask me to draw him. I don't wanna die.
"Smaller" cameos, like ones from other webcomics, are a possibility though. Let's just be sure we both have their permission, and be aware I'll have to include their copyright on the piece as well. That goes for my own characters too, by the way.
The only other things that I can think of (right now) that could discourage me from drawing something would be the general stuff; offensive concepts, biased whatsits, certain violent themes... all the stuff you read about in online contracts.
ONE! First, give me money. Give me money. In advance. If you don't have an account with PayPal, get one. It's easy! And fun! Otherwise, just use the Give me money link on the front page. Give me money. Of course, if you absoGive me moneylutely can't handle PayPal for whatever reason, E-mail me and maybe we can work something Give.
Wha--!? How much money, you ask? Good question, Sir Tiddlybutt! Let us examine my magical fantastical pricing chart, and see what we can learn. Keep in mind! This is all subject to change, depending on the request. Like I said, we'll talk.
Pencil Images (such as...): $20.00-$25.00. Twenty to twenty-five bucks, cold hard cash. I gotta eat, man.
Finished, Inked Images (such as...): $30.00-$35.00. Thirty to thirty-five bucks, even colder, even harder. I gotta eat well.
Finished, Inked and Fuggin' Colored Images (such as...): $40.00 and up. Forty or more of the coldest, hardest bucks on Earth. Man... your soul's looking mighty tasty.
Of course, prices may be subject to change - I mean, I ain't gonna illustrate the iMac instruction manual for ten dollars just because it's in pencil. If I feel the need, or if you have a particularly elaborate, extravagant or large (say, larger than 8.5" X 11") commission in mind, well, we can negotiate.
TWO! Assuming you want an actual physical manifestation of my cosmic artistic powers - and who wouldn't - you're going to need to give me an address to which I could have it sent. I ain't gonna waste my psychic geolocationing abilities on you.
FIVE! Get it? Like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Y'know, how Arthur would always confuse three with five? Homage! It's comedy! Hahaha! HA HAHAAHUAAHHAAA! UAHAHAAHHHAAAAHA HAHAAAHH! HAHAHAA!! AHHhhhhh. So.
I can send you estimates of when the job'll be finished, which of course will change depending on the work, but I give you this gaurantee for sure: If the commission doesn't reach you by a year's time, you get your money back. Otherwise, I dunno... sue me or something.
FOUR! Lessee, lessee, what else can I stick you with... well, the only other thing that comes to mind is for me to mention that I am up for hire. If you want my skills for something besides a simple commissioned work of art, feel free to ask. Maybe we can do business.
Hey, you know you want me.
home/cult of the zebra/the cutting room floor/gallery/other comics/FAQs/links/fan art/archives/miscellaneous items/cast/story/store